let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
