I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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