he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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