I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
