Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
