dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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