The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
