i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
