All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
