Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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