I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
