You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
