thus making me awesome and them whores
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who died my cat blue again?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
