Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
