There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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