she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
