I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
