I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How does one acquire holy water?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
