I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
