Bisexual people are plain selfish.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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