BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
