I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
