Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
