I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
