We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
