Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
