Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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