i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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