Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
