The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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