we have officially lost it.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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