just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
