If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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