Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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