So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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