why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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