Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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