epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
