yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
