when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
