Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it glows. i had to have it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
