I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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