Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
