my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
