its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
