Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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