I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
