Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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