Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
