SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
